Munkay Do List

Today's to-do list.




1-Hypnotize cat into foot warming snack fetcher.


2-Finish memorizing the Gettysburg Address as promised to 7 th grade teacher.


3-Open "Teach Yourself Belly Dance" video. Close shades.


4-Transport dryer lint wad to attic for added insulation benefits.

5-#69 from "The Joy of Cooking." Osso Busso .(come up with innocent sounding description for calf calve.)


6-Find the perfect chocolate covered fathers day gift. Wrap in crumpled paper, shove in mailbox. Call hubby, inform him his gift has finally arrived. Open and taste to make certain it is still good.


7-Get pesky restraining orders lifted.


8- Write thank you letter to life coach. Set on fire and use to smudge the failure stink off self.

8-Decide which kid(s) to sell to the gypsies.

8-Phone in sick. Time how long it takes boss to realize in his panic I'm not scheduled.


9-Practice counting skills.


10-Revise semi hostile chicken coup. (go ahead, try to figure that one out.)


11- Sit down kids, tell them of their true father. Call the Rock and demand back child support.

All in Her Head

As she slumbered deeply, she watched herself at her job. It was pre service and she a frenzied dynamo, throwing direction, matrix at the saute station, creviche juxtapose, all the while eating strawberries. She halts abruptly pitching a half devoured berry across the room into the Hobart. "Strawberries! I'm allergic to damn strawberries."
When she awoke her strangely fresh welt covered red blotchy face looked as if it had been in the garbage disposal.
She spend her day off hiding in her house trying not to even think of work.

This First Week of Summer Vacation Vote

Here you go and you didn't even have to ask for it, this weeks voting choices for you pleasure.


"Dear Boss", letter number two.

3- Last Saturday I filled the salt and pepper shakers, cleaned out the walk in cooler, drove over to Wisconsin and checked out the empty restaurant my realtor told me about, and still made it back in time to do the prime rib. But hey, no one was around so.

The Beast

He wasn't born inherently evil no. I think he has been sculpted. Then again, I was there at his birth, holding his mothers legs when he change his mind about coming out. After the doctor made the cut so the lazy little bastard could have an easier time emerging, he just waited and let her bleed.


Push

If I close my eyes and picture Antonio Banderas, I might be able to let him do it. But he always catches me off guard and I get hit face first with his pepper breath and stubble burn. And then I run to the nearest sink when he is done
and scrub his kisses off.

Year of the Chicken

He looked at her with a pleading look in his eyes. "Chicken?" he asked her with as much desire as he was capable. Old fool , she thought, why does he even ask. "No. Not now, not ever."

There you go. First fifty voters will receive my usual bribe of partial nudity and home stilled liquor. Vote me up.

Better than a Spider

Ten things I've had in my bathtub recently.

10- Ten pounds of live crayfish.*

9-Cramps

8-Louise Eldrich

7- Hot fudge sundae

6-"a calming, soothing, exfoliating experience"

5-The twelve bar blues.

4-A clumsy scared wet cat named Tippy

3-Two dozen baby chicks, six ducks.**

2-Worlds biggest clog left by stinky poultry.

1- Peace

*What is a valentines day without some crawly pinchy things?

**Your bathroom heat light doubles as an incubator